Being of the other orientation - and, well, Christian

Here is the rub - the fact remains that I'm gay and I'm a Christian. For most people, those two ways of being are irreconcilable, but for those of us who know we are - we simply know we are. We've done the hard work and we understand that their is reconciliation between the fact of orientation and the fact of faith. Let others disagree, but those others probably have not done their homework - really - and simply don't want to understand.

But then, being a Christian must impact and influence our being within the Western Gay sub-culture! What this means is that as a Christian, I am first called to be as Christ calls me to be, which is first a foremost loving, considerate, patient, forgiving, long-suffering if need be, and so many other things that this present world-system decries.

What does it mean to love? How am I then to love, despite it all? Take the ending of my relationship around a year ago, for example. The reality of ending came only last November when the whole truth came out. My former partner has become involved in a profoundly unhealthy and self-destructive relationship. He desperately tries to maintain some sort of connect with me because I am stable, because I demonstrate that I want the best for him, because as he said, "My relationship with you was the most healthy I've ever had." He realized that too late, however.

I've been lied to. I've been rejected. I've been sidelined. I've been neglected. He expects things of me that are so outside the realm of reasonable for an ex-partner that I stand back in amazement. My heart has been ripped out, yet how am I to react to him? If I say that I loved him - love him - as Christ calls me to love, how then am I to react? My heart breaks for him.

I have to understand that to act lovingly is not to enable self-destructive attitudes, emotions, and behaviors. To love is to be open to presence when desperation presents itself. To love is to seek his wellbeing above my own without forgetting my own. This kind of love is just very difficult, and certainly not based on fickle and often misguiding feelings.

As a Christian, my definition of "love" does not rest on the current cultural norms. How am I to love? Here it is: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (I Corinthians 13:4-8)

Love never fails. How am I to not fail as I try to love him still, healthily? This is how I am called to love even those who reject or mistreat me. This is how I must love my former partner in all his confusion and dysfunction. This isn't easy because I face contrary influence from all sides. From one side, well, it is advise of rejection because to love someone of one's own gender is immoral. From one side, my reaction to him also should be rejection along the lines of, "F--- you, you bastard," and never talk to him again. For some, I should revel in his screwed-up live because it is what he deserves. But, such rejection does not seem to fit the definition of "Love" the Apostle Paul calls us to.

Frankly, it sucks! Yet, if first comes faith and belief that the Way of God presents to us a best way forward, for my own individual good and for the good of him, too, then this how it must be. God help me. God help him.