Listening to the radio this morning, NPR, the local station news reported a big increase in the cases of Syphilis in the city. The largest increase was in gay men living in Manhattan. As the announcer said, this proves that a segment of the population is not practicing safer-sex, after a decade of decreasing incidents of infection. The segment just isn't gay men, but certainly a large segment of the gay population. Of course, if there is an increase of Syphilis due to unsafe-sex, that means the HIV infection is also increasing.

The "free-sex" hedonism has to stop. If this type of behavior truly does makes its way into the straight male population - if the social strictures that keep straight men in check fall - we truly are in trouble. I understand how in-the-moment we all do things we would otherwise not do, but when the sub-culture encourages this type of behavior and ridicules anyone or group that champions against such behavior, it is just stupid. It is insane, because what is being encouraged means sickness and death. It isn't that gay relationships are sick or insane or in themselves cause sickness, as many prohibitionist religious people proclaim, but the actions of and sexual-obsession of the overall gay subculture brings nothing but emotional pain, psychological disfunction, and too often physical sickness and now death. The things we do keep us from the very thing our heart yearns for - to be loved and to love deeply, to be known and to know another intimately. So many gay men are unable to bond with another, are unable to form close, emotionally stable, and intimate lifelong relationships, are enable to mature emotionally and psychologically because we stay in an irresponsible sexual and emotional adolescence. And, the sub-culture just perpetuates this.

It has to end, else I wonder whether the anti-gay people could be right - not with regard to God's view of same-sex relationships, but in the immorality of the behavior of so many gay men. Immorality because what we are doing is counter to what we yearn for, what is emotionally and sexually healthy, and what is truly the best for our own lives - all of which God says is sin. Immorality because what we continue to do brings destruction. Of course not all gay men are in that place, but too many of us are, and the general sub-culture perpetuates such notions.

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Way too much reading! The problem is, everything is really interesting. I want to read it all, carefully, in order to absorb everything, but it is going to be impossible. I haven't finished my first week yet, and already I'm a book behind - not even counting all the reserve reading and handouts. Yet, it is great stuff! Plato's Timaeus is the most difficult to wade through right now, and I can't just skim it.

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A quote from Father Wright's handouts for our Patristics class: "To comprehend and assess the fundamental elements and basic positions of the Anglican tradition and its relationship to the wider church... And, as an Anglican, to be able to distinguish tradition, 'the living faith of the dead," from traditionalism, 'the dead faith of the living.'"

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I went for the interview at NYU Medical Center, and got the position. This summer, I will be at NYU MC for CPE!

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First day of the spring term. I have to miss one of my classes today. I scheduled my CPE interview with NYU Medical Center at 2:00, not realizing that Patristics begins at 1:20. It is going to be a cab ride to the interview today - too far to walk on a very cold day. During the summer, I suppose it would only be about a half hour walk - not too bad.

I'm nervous about this term. I truly have no blocks of time to study during the day, except Fridays. I don't know how this is going to work. I may end up getting up early again, because attempting to study in the evening just doesn't work. There is going to be a lot of work, but I am looking forward to all my classes, especially OT2 with Judy Neuman. I just like her.

I certainly hope the NYU CPE position is offered and over with. I have to start focusing on financial aid. I received an application form from the Society for the Increase of the Ministry - quite an extensive form. There is going to be a lot of work for this one grant, alone.

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In just a few hours, the second term of my seminar career begins. I complained last term that it seemed I had no chunks of time during the day to work on homework, well, this term, I know I have no chunks of time. My classes are spread out throughout the day. Plus, I have five solidly academic classes this term - a lot more work, I think. The only saving grace is that I am settled in now and have a better understanding of what is required. I am hoping that I can find the groove that avoided me all last term.

I've accomplished a lot over break. Not nearly what I had hoped for, however. I got to spend a lot of time with Ashton, which was wonderful. I got a lot of papers organized to file, but haven't done any filing yet. I have piles that are still piles. I have not finished Celebration of Discipline, nor the four other books I am in the middle of. I worked a lot on my webpages, and they are looking much better. I still have a long way to do before I will be satisfied, if I ever am.

I have taxes, financial aid, and CPE interviews to worry about now, along side my course work.

I feel so bad for Ashton. Ashton's dog, a Dalmatian, is 14 years old. She is showing her age. It may not be long before Ashton has to put her to sleep. It will be horrible. Through two long-term but negative relationships, through everything, the one companion that always loved him was his dog. He was 21 when he got that dog as a puppy - practically his whole adult life. He just doesn't know what to do, and he hurts.

I hope I can discipline myself to live a balanced life this term. We shall see whether I can or not.

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Here is another news article from Focus-on-the-Family. They just get it wrong, that's all. The problem is that in their wrongness, they are trying to excerpt their wrong theological understandings onto the socio-political process. In other words, their goal is to remove, politically any law that might be favorable to homosexual people - not special-rights laws, but anything that presents homosexuals in a positive light or secures an equal footing in the same way heterosexuals enjoy. Likewise, in school curricula, in public forums relating to homosexuality, in popular-culture, etc., they demand that homosexuality and gay people always be presented in the most negative terms. After all, it is a devastating sickness and blatant sin that if left unchecked will cause all gay people to end up in the eternal fires of Hell and cause God's intentional destruction of American. According to their generalized theories on and opinions of homosexuals, that is, which I don't think is Biblically or spiritually truthful or empirically verifiable at all.

Anyway, here is the article:

Lesbian Awarded Money from Sept. 11 Victims Fund
By David Brody, Washington, D.C., correspondent

SUMMARY: The lesbian partner of a Sept. 11 victim gets more
than a half-million dollars from the federal government.

The Sept.11 Compensation Fund that was set up to provide
money for victims of the terror attacks has awarded more than a
half-million dollars to a lesbian whose partner died in the tragedy.

Sheila Hein died on Sept. 11 and her partner of 18 years, Peggy
Neff, believed she was entitled to financial compensation. The
federal government apparently agrees because the fund, set up
by the U.S. Department of Justice, gave her $557,000.

Jennifer Middleton, of the Lambda Legal Defense Foundation, is
happy with the decision.

"It's important that the federal government has recognized that
Peggy and Sheila shared a household like any other married
couple ... and that recognition is vitally important to respect
Sheila and help Peggy move on with her life," Middleton said.

The decision is a clear victory for homosexual advocates, but it
has others worried.

Peter LaBarbera, associate director of the Culture and Family
Institute, feels sorry for the woman who lost a friend, but he said
a line has to be drawn.

"Nine-eleven or no nine-eleven, the government cannot reward
unhealthy homosexual relationships," LaBarbera said. "We've
got to get over our sensitivity on this and deal with it, because
what the other side is doing is using nine-eleven to promote
homosexual relationships."

Pro-homosexual groups will look at this decision as a clear-cut
case for legitimizing homosexual relationships. LaBarbera said
there's an unfortunate truth to that.

"In a sense they're right," LaBarbera said. "If the government
starts recognizing homosexual relationships and treats them as
the same as normal healthy relationships, then we're in trouble
because the government is giving these relationships
legitimacy."

The man in charge of the Sept. 11 fund is Kenneth Feinberg -- a
former chief of staff to Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-Mass., who was
named by Attorney General John Ashcroft last year to oversee
the fund. He did not return our calls.

What this article reveals is their anger that gay relationships are treated in the same way that heterosexual relationships are treated. If a straight man, who was divorced and remarried three times, had died in the 9/11 tragedy, then his wife of two years should receive the money. A lesbian relationship, that was 18 years old, should not. Homosexuality has simply become their sin de-jour, their sin that raises the most cash, their sin that enables them to scapegoat a whole class of people and generalize the worst within the gay community to be normative for all gay people. It enables them to hate something and to prove by comparing themselves to gays that they are in fact holy and acceptable to God, because they are not like THOSE people!

I honestly don't have a problem with the honest ex-gay ministries who try to encourage people to live a life they see fit according to their interpretation of scripture. Fundamentalist expressions of Christianity do not allow for differences of opinion on Biblical interpretation, so they see only their opinion of scripture as being God's. I don't agree, and I think Biblical scholarship and the reality of most gay and "ex-gay" and"ex-ex-gay" people's experience will not support their theories.

The problem is that the Religious-Right, the politicized Christian sub-culture, is taking their theological opinions and demanding that our nation adopt their viewpoint. They demand that civil law abide by their theological notions. It isn't much different then Islamic law being implemented in many African and Middle-Eastern nations. They demand their notions of Christian law (really Mosaic and Levitical Law) be adopted by civil authorities. What they want is a theocratic form of government - defined by themselves and no other Christian opinion is tolerated. Homosexuality is the bogeyman that they feel is proof that they must succeed, else God will intentionally destroy American. Of course, not all believe this. Of course, there are some who believe that if we truly abide by scripture, then homosexuals need to be put to death, because that is what Leviticus demands. Yet, the prevailing "wisdom" among conservative Christians is that it is wrong, sinful, and destructive to pass laws that give homosexuals and homosexual relationships equal footing with heterosexuals and heterosexual relationships.

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Here is a news item from the latest "Focus-on-the-Family" e-mail news updates:

"Report: Gay Men Seeking HIV

One out of four newly HIV-infected men actively sought out the
disease, according to a new article in Rolling Stone magazine. John
Paulk, the manager of Focus on the Family's homosexuality and
gender department, said that is actually old news within the gay
community.

"Young men, especially in cities like San Francisco, have considered
themselves 'pre-AIDS,' " Paulk said. "In other words, they're not HIV
positive, but they know that they will eventually get AIDS and often
seek it out."

He said the attitude shows the hopeless desperation of young gay
men. They feel that unless they have AIDS they're not a full part of
the homosexual community.

"What that says to us is that homosexuality is not just a normal
variant of sexuality," Paulk said. "That, inherently, within
homosexuality are negative consequences -- psychologically,
emotionally -- and you see the negative health risks."

Paulk said homosexuality leads people to think their life is worth so
little, that purposefully catching a deadly disease would actually
improve their outlook."

Yes, regrettably, it is old news. People have been tracking this phenomenon for a number of years now, especially in San Francisco. As might be expected, there are whole websites devoted to the giving and receiving of this "gift" from one gay man to another. I have heard it explained that some gay men feel "left out" because they are not HIV infected. Those who are infected supposedly get all the attention, so they want to feel part of "it." I agree that it is unbelievable and very sad. The fatalistic attitude is killing people, which may be obvious with fatalistic attitudes, but it is still astounding nonetheless.

This has a lot to say about the hedonistic focus of those who yell the loudest in the homosexual community. In the same way that advocates of wearing condoms in the early '80's where labeled "sexual Nazis" by many gay men who didn't want to believe the fact of HIV/AIDS and didn’t want to stop having unrestricted sex in any way, so are those who strongly advocate for sexual sanity today, for an end to the sexual obsession of gay men, for the idea of living for something other then hedonistic pleasure. All one has to do is look at most gay publications, parties, the pervasiveness of porn, etc., to understand that we as a subculture are obsessed with sex and hedonism. It needs to stop, because there is something so much better and life-giving, but when the very element of society that helps “calm the savage beast” within us, the Church, rejects gay people and perpetuates the notion that gays are hopeless and evil, why should the “Way of Christ” have any appeal any longer? People, who make up the Church, may have rejected and condemned homosexuals, by God has not.

It is an uphill battle to convince the homosexual community that despite want anti-gay, prohibitionist Christians say, God does love gay people and desires a full life for us, in the same way God desires a full life for heterosexual people. Their brand of Christianity is distorted, and even though no of knows fully what the complete Way of God comprises (I Corn. 13:9-12), we can fully understand that we are to love God with all of ourselves, and love our neighbor as ourselves. That is the element they forget to employ.

I agree that there is definitely something wrong, not just spiritually but psychologically/emotionally, with anyone who intentionally becomes infected with a deadly virus that despite medical advances will still kill most of them. It has to do with feelings of immortality that most young people posses; it has to do with a life devoid of anything other then what feels good - a nice hold over from the 60's and 70's; it comes from not understanding who we are and what we are capable of in God; it comes from a subculture that encourages sexual-obsession; it comes from a subculture that has been so devastated and reviled by the Church and "love-the-sinner" Christians that they have rejected the Church, Christians, and most horribly of all – God; it comes from a sense of hopelessness and fatalism. As the article said, "...they're not HIV positive, but they know that they will eventually get AIDS and often seek it out." Men, apart from God, do what men do - whether straight or gay - young men would have sex with as many people as they could if there were not social strictures to lessen the impact of the libido. Within the male gay subculture, because it is made up of only men and because of the rejection they experience from those who could advocate for sexual-sanity, the strictures are far less effective.

The problem with the Focus-on-the-Family report, however, is that they lump all homosexuals into this same category. This is something the prohibitionist Christians love to do - demonize a whole group of people. They have done it to so many, gay people being only the latest rendition of the ploy. The fact is, most gay people do not seek out the HIV virus. Most I know, even though they are not Christians and therefore do not abide my the same moral codes that we strive to live by, go to great lengths to avoid the virus. Most gay people I know live relatively conservative lives - they are faithfully partnered or looking to be, they are not sex-obsessed, they are not drug abusers, they are not pedophiles, they are people who live like most single or married straight folks, despite what the politicized, anti-gay, prohibitionist Christians what everyone to believe.

So, when Paulk says, "...homosexuality leads people to think their life is worth so little, that purposefully catching a deadly disease would actually improve their outlook," that's what Focus-on-the-Family and other anti-gay Christian organizations what society to believe so that their whole "ex-gay" theology, pseudo-psychology, and political demands will be accept by the common American - thus the outlawing of homosexuality and any positive portrayal of gay people. The reason that many gay people still believe that their lives are worth so little is because people like Paulk and their like-minded organizations demand that homosexuals be hopeless and immoral and that society and the Church do everything it can to perpetuate that attitude among gay people. Their view is that homosexuality is evil, thus "practicing" homosexuals are also, and they want everyone to believe that, despite the "love-the-sinner" rhetoric. They want homosexuals to believe they themselves are evil and incapable of living a good life, a moral life, and a fulfilled life. They want gay people to believe that God rejects them outright, and therefore they have no ability to live a life worthy of anything. They want gay people to believe it so that they will allow ex-gay ministries to bring "healing" to their lives in God - except that their base understanding of the whole gay issue begins with a misinterpretation of scripture. They want gay people to live miserable lives because it enables them to perpetuate their anti-gay theology and ideology. A non-Christian gay subculture gives them something to hate – it gives them a scapegoat for the world’s ills. If prohibitionist Christians and their organizations did portrayed the gay-subculture as it really is, a mirror of straight culture with some excesses in different areas of life, they would not have a money-raising machine, they would not have a reason to exist, they would not demonize to scapegoat.

There are nihilistic, fatalistic, emotionally screwed-up gay males who are out there trying to be infected with HIV because of a whole number of reasons, none of which is acceptable. We need God's saving grace to live life to the full, as it was meant to be lived. We need to advocate strongly for a rejection of hedonism within all walks of life - because it pulls us away from true life, from true freedom, and from true satisfaction. What we don't need is people trying to demonize whole groups, and then doing everything they can to perpetuate the very reasons so many in that group find themselves screwed-up. Yes, as Paulk and Focus-on-the-Family says, it is sad. The problem is the conclusions they draw.

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Test. Going to have breakfast with Jeff in Times Square this morning. I'm trying to create a new blog - the color of the lights on the Empire State Building nightly. It changes - sometimes the changes make sense, sometimes it doesn't.

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It's dang cold here in New York right about now. Ashton brought his dog tonight - a 14 year old Dalmatian. I was worried about the five flights of stairs, but she seemed to handle them all right.

I woke up at 3:20 am this morning. I called Ashton just to make sure he was okay, alive, and home - he didn't call earlier. I couldn't go back to sleep, so this has been a very long day. We're going to watch The Manchurian Candidate . It's just good seeing him.

CPE - I'm kind of worried. So many of the programs are full by now. All the hospitals I applied to have already selected their students. I'm on waiting lists, but I could likely find myself without a CPE position this summer. I have no idea what I'm going to do if that happens.

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I bought most of my books for spring term yesterday. When all is said and done, I will spend about $475.00! I can't believe the expense of just the books!

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So, my dad is staying out on Long Island for business. He was in the city yesterday for a number of meetings and we planned on going to dinner. He swung by the seminary and picked me up - I was going to show him were to park. As we are going west on 19th St., here was this open spot close to 10th Ave. There were lots of other cars parked on that area of the street, so why not. There was a no parking between 8:00 am and 6:00 pm sign; we parked at 5:15 pm. He thought it didn't really matter whether he got a ticket or not because the car was a rental and he lives in Ohio. We walked to a nice Japanese restaurant on 8th, where he insisted on buying me sushi. You know, it was actually pretty good! Anyway, we walk back to get the car, and no car. "Am I sure we parked on 19th," I asked myself. No car whatsoever. It had either been stolen or towed. A guy was going into the apartment building on the part of the street where we parked, so I asked him whether they generally towed cars, and he said not generally.

Called the police. They said call the tow pound. Call the tow pound, and yup, they had the car. Actually, the whole process of getting his car back wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be. It cost $185.00, but for him it was much better then having the car stolen - all of his business stuff was in the car! We - roommates, Ashton, etc. - came to the conclusion that because the rental car had Pennsylvania plates, the police figured that the driver wouldn't pay the parking ticket, so why not tow him and get the money one way or another. Ashton was saying that if he had NY tags, a ticket was probably all he would have gotten. Who knows?

We had some evening last night. I wanted him to give my mom a good report about where I was living, etc., but then to have his car stolen, rental or not, would have caused my mom to worry about me even more.

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Sitting in Big Cup yesterday, drinking coffee, eating a bagel, and reading The Battle for God: A History of Fundamentalism, I overheard some guys talking. Here is a quote from one of them. I'm not sure what he was thinking of converting to. "I'm thinking of converting. I go to church every now and then. I would be fine with it if they just quite talking about Jesus all the time. Every song is about Jesus. All I can say is, Jesus Christ!"

Well, okay, and what IS Christianity?

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Oh, did I mention we have/had mice? Not rates, mind you, but mice. When I came home from Ohio on Tuesday with Ashton, I was in the kitchen and saw a mouse run over the counter and stove and then escape behind the oven. Roy and Nick said they saw a mouse run between Jason's room and the kitchen. Ashton and I both saw the creature two more times that day. We set traps, and of course the mouse simply took the cheese. These New York City mice, man. Mice, not RATS! Anyway, none of us have seen one since. The exterminator came our on Thursday and set traps all over the place - he put peanut butter on the conventional traps. Nothing. I haven't as much heard rustling. Where in the heck did the mouse/mice go?

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I finally mailed my CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) application stuff for summer. I received an e-mail from the Registrar of the HealthCare Chaplaincies in NYC saying that I need to get it in very soon because most of the programs are already full. I pray and hope that I can secure a slot, if not, I'm not sure what would happen with this summer. I can do CPE next summer, but normally that is reserved for field placement experiences. Nick just got his in and Roy is still in process. As Alon said, since 9/11, NYC is the hot place to do CPE experiences, and there are fewer programs this year than in the past. This has just been another few days of anxiously trying to get work finished not as well as I would have liked and under an ominous deadline.

Only two weeks off rather then three before classes begin again. That's fine, really, although I am not going to get done nearly as much as I would have liked. Ashton wants to spend as much time together as possible before classes begin, at which point my time is just limited! He wants to spend a LOT of time together. It isn't a bad thing, it just means I get less accomplished.

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