Sad but True
One of the sad points of growing up while trying to deal with the gay issue in my generation and from my part of the country is that we must go through the normal relationship discovery and learning later in life, rather than in the teens and early twenties like most straight people.
This is changing for many younger people. Good for them. There still are, however, many young gay guys and gals who struggle mightily to reconcile their orientation and their otherwise "normal" lives, especially for those who take their faith seriously.
I did not reconcile the different sides of my life until my early thirties. Before then, there were struggles but for the most part life was good. By my early thirties, however, I realized that I was not changing and something had to give. Old ways gave, but not my faith, not really my sense of self, just how I looked at things. So, in my early thirties I began the process of discovering who I am compatible with, how to navigate through the relationship maze, how to recognize when it is time to say "enough," and how to really pay attention to all those red-flags that pop up and are too easily ignored or explained away.
Too many of us are in this kind of situation. Too many of us are not very good at relationships because of it. This can explain, to a degree, why so many gay relationships are not long-lasting. There are plenty of other explanations, but this is one of the big ones, if we think about it. We need to learn how to court one another once again (well, actually, in the first place).
So, in most other areas of our lives we are productive and mature, ready to competently swim through life. Then, such angst over the desire to love and be loved - how does it happen? The sub-culture does not help because of its over-sexualized nature - negating much of the common good of faithful relationships. The movement for marriage has mitigated this tendency, and finally those who truly do want a conventional life are being heard above the circuit-party bimbo-boy fray that gets most of the attention.
Now, if only the Religious Right...
This is changing for many younger people. Good for them. There still are, however, many young gay guys and gals who struggle mightily to reconcile their orientation and their otherwise "normal" lives, especially for those who take their faith seriously.
I did not reconcile the different sides of my life until my early thirties. Before then, there were struggles but for the most part life was good. By my early thirties, however, I realized that I was not changing and something had to give. Old ways gave, but not my faith, not really my sense of self, just how I looked at things. So, in my early thirties I began the process of discovering who I am compatible with, how to navigate through the relationship maze, how to recognize when it is time to say "enough," and how to really pay attention to all those red-flags that pop up and are too easily ignored or explained away.
Too many of us are in this kind of situation. Too many of us are not very good at relationships because of it. This can explain, to a degree, why so many gay relationships are not long-lasting. There are plenty of other explanations, but this is one of the big ones, if we think about it. We need to learn how to court one another once again (well, actually, in the first place).
So, in most other areas of our lives we are productive and mature, ready to competently swim through life. Then, such angst over the desire to love and be loved - how does it happen? The sub-culture does not help because of its over-sexualized nature - negating much of the common good of faithful relationships. The movement for marriage has mitigated this tendency, and finally those who truly do want a conventional life are being heard above the circuit-party bimbo-boy fray that gets most of the attention.
Now, if only the Religious Right...
