As Roy said, there is wisdom in numbers. Alon (the GTS Chaplain) has asked me several times whether I thought CPE this summer (which begins in two weeks) was a good idea. She is supportive of whatever I decide as long as it is a thoughtful decision. Today, however, Bill Doubleday talk with me and he suggested I consider postponing it until next year. One comment he made I had not thought of – if I do CPE this summer and I am spent at the end, how is that going to affect the beginning of class and the whole semester. I could be a huge disadvantage at the beginning of the semester. Then, during lunch, Nancy (who recently ended her term on the Commission for Ministry and is here at GTS for a Trustees’ meeting) asked me how I was doing and my plans for summer. The suggested I postpone CPE for a year. She said that I need to learn self-care now. She also said there was talk at the diocese office that postponement might be a good idea. So, I e-mailed Mary this afternoon and asked here what she thought. Considering MAC being in my blood stream, which my doctor said is a sign of a immune system disfunction, being in a hospital may not be a good idea until they really figure out what is wrong with me. Anyway, Mary said that she talked with Bishop Grew and they thought it might be a good idea to postpone CPE.
I am really torn. There are a lot of things I could do this summer – take classes at Union or Fordham, work for Anne and earn a little money, work some in a parish for experience. Yet, all my classmates will be going through CPE and I will not have that common experience with them! Right now, that means a lot to me! Being out of commission for six weeks already pulled me out of their experience. I could sense it during final exam week. While I’m glad I avoided the stress by having much of my work extended into the coming month, there is part of me that feels left out of their common experience.
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