I made a vow to be obedient to my Bishop and to conform to the practice and worship of the Episcopal Church expressed in the Book of Common Prayer.
Taking and living into such a vow, which was very difficult for me, I did it with intent and sincerity as an act of personal humility. I have no problem trusting God with my life, but trusting other people with my life is an entirely different matter. Frankly, my experience has not led me to have much confidence in other people having my best interests in mind when decisions are made. Regardless, this is what I was called to do at ordination and what I determined to do.
All that for this: While I am confident that a right understanding of Scripture and the life in the Church that Jesus calls us does not forbid or restrict gay people (whether single or in life-long, mutual, and monogamous relationships) from being fully participating members of the Church at all levels, what I am to do as an ordained member of that Church is an entirely different matter. I have intentionally put myself in a different situation than are lay members of the Church. Ecclesiastical authority bears greatly upon me, whereas in our Episcopal understanding of things not so much on lay people.
The Church catholic, even within our Anglican expression of that Church, has not concluded that gay people in sexually-active relationships can participate in Holy Orders. The Episcopal Church has, for the most part, but we are only a small part of the Church catholic. Of course, issues concerning married priests have still not been settled universally nor has the issue of woman priests. I fully realize that the collective understanding of the Church catholic, or even majority parts of it, can be absolutely wrong! Where does protest rightly begin in pushing for needed reform and change? Have the Episcopal Church and other provinces of Anglicanism rightly initiated the process of change concerning gay Christian participation in Holy Orders, despite the vehemence of opposition expressed by other parts of the Church?
Considering all the debate within Anglicanism right now over this issue, if I understand what is meant by the Church catholic, then I cannot simply say – We in the American Church can do what we please as long as it is within our canonical regulations no matter what the rest of the Church thinks or does.
I relinquished my “rights” when I entered into Holy Orders. Frankly, I relinquished my “rights” when I became a Christian, period. This is oh so very contrary to American culture, which has come to the point were individual “rights” trump all things, even the general welfare of society as a whole. I can declare for reasons of justice and fairness that I have a “right” to be in a relationship with someone of my own gender – because I am constitutionally homosexual and because I believe Scripture does not forbid it – but I am speaking as an American, not as a Christian. As a Christian, I am incorporated into a larger body of people that requires me to maturely consider the wellbeing of my brothers and sisters first, and my own wants and needs second.
Of course, in considering the needs and wellbeing of my fellow Christians, I must defend and advocate for gay Christians. That does not mean, however, that I can demand that all of Christianity bend to my will (or to the will of a small minority of members) because I want to have a relationship despite what the Church catholic sets as requirements for ordained clergy.
If the decisions are made, if only for the present and near future, that clergy who are gay cannot be in relationships then what do I do? Rebel by doing it anyway and keeping it quiet – hypocrisy? Rebel by saying that this branch of the Church catholic has decided to do its own thing regardless of what the rest say? Be concerned about ME first? Or, do I submit to the decisions of the Church catholic – the majority – believing that God is working in ways I don’t understand and will being all things into conformity to His will? Or, do I renounce my Orders? OR… what?
As I have considered what it means to be a “catholic” Christian after being an individualistic “Evangelical” Christian for so long, the more I realize that it is not all about me, nor is it all about this or that particular group.