More involvement with free-association…
I graduated with my Master of Divinity degree from The General Theological Seminary of the Episcopal Church, New York, NY, on Wednesday, May 18th, at 10:00 am. Amazing. It feels so strange. It all happened too quickly.
My parents left last Sunday after being with me for my official last day at St. Paul’s, Carroll St. Brooklyn, as their seminarian. I preached. I did all right, I suppose. People said it was a great sermon, but I never can tell. I am satisfied. The rector wants me to stay. I would love to stay! I truly fell in love with that parish. Money, of course, like always, is the problem.
Yesterday, Monday, I woke up and realized that the beginning of everything else was upon me. It feels so strange. I watch people with whom I had this incredible experience move away into the rest of their lives. I’m not ready for them to leave. I’m not ready to say good-bye. Their leaving seems swift and I cannot keep track. I know these feelings are nothing new and every senior class goes through this. I missed saying good-bye to Jason and Jodie. I did not get together with Jon before he left for Lexington. I missed completely Elise’s departure, and I only saw Sonia’s stuff being loaded into a moving van.
Yet, I am already into the rest of my life, working, searching for a ministry – the next phase is here. I am in it. I don’t mind it, but I wish we all could stay together as a monastic community generally does. It seems we are just now able to look past our little idiosyncrasies and simply be together. Three years is enough, and it certainly is not enough.
I am still looking for a place to call my own. There are two campus chaplain positions I am involved in – one in Ohio and one in New York City. I would love either of them for different reasons, but I do not know whether either of them will want me. I firmly believe in a right fit for both sides. Rejection for a position is not really a problem for me, but being strung along when the church/rector/committee knows they want a woman or someone 15 years younger than I am.