Here is a good essay from the Alban Institute, entitled “Experiencing Silence” – part of which deals with the fear of silence.
Reading through the paragraphs that deal with the fear of silence, I think it sounds very “feminine.” That’s fine with me, by the way. But my question is this:
Do men react differently to silence, particularly when fear (uncomfortableness) is involved and even when the causes for the uncomfortable feelings are the same between men and women?
(Yes, I know that men and women can have the exact same feelings and reactions, positive and negative, but I’m wondering about the differences and whether the differences are actual or only a result of perception or socialization. And yes, I know that nature and nurture are always involved in our behavioral development and sense-of-self.)
For years, I’ve said to more feminist friends of mine that they need to demand that men respect and esteem the “women’s way of knowing” (to barrow a phrase from Carol Gilligan or here or for a critique here) or the “feminine” qualities that are different than men’s but have been diminished by men for centuries. I’ve said that women should not feel as if they have to take on the more negative qualities of masculinity in order to be equal to men, which I think is what happened in the early stages of the 1960-70’s feminist movement. Nor do I think that men need to become more “feminine” in order to show respect for women.
I’ve also resisted the notion that men and women are really the same, except for our socialization – the idea that perceived differences between the sexes (aside from obviously physical ones) are only a result of culture and our socialization. There are more substantive differences, IMHO, and attempting to demand we are the same is counterproductive to true understanding and true equal consideration of the strengthens and the weakness of maleness and femaleness (or masculinity and femininity or men and women).
So, whether through nurture or nature (but I wonder more about nature), do men deal with silence differently than women? Do men deal different with the fear of or uncomfortableness around silence than women even if the causes are the same?