One of those days

Today is one of those days. I’m fed up with people not making decisions, not following through, and things not getting done. I’m tired of waiting on other people when I know I could get the thing done in far less time, and frankly with far less effort.
I’m tired of being inconvenienced by the efforts, or lack of efforts, of others. There are just times when the perceived incompetence of others becomes too much.
Then, I have to tell myself that I am not any better. Do I really believe that? In some circumstances, absolutely. In other circumstances, not at all, but feigning humility in these instances is a cultural requirement.
I determined a number of years ago after becoming so danged frustrated with idiotic Christians and this sub-par subcultural “American Christian” life that attempts to pass for a real life-in-Christ, that I would try to the best of my ability to be honest, open, transparent, vulnerable, and as real as I can possibly be. I understand the ramifications of trying to be such a person. I realize that when I strive to make my “yes’s” be “yes” and my “no’s” be “no,” that some people will not understand and will not like it. Yet, what else can I do? Part of the first step in attempting to be this way, at least for me, was to recognize and acknowledge my own failures and realize that I can and will be absolutely wrong.
If I do not want to fall into the same trap that so many other people fall into, if I don’t want to play the same childish games that we Christians so often play, if I don’t want to be a hypocrite, how else can I live my life other than to try to be as open, honest, vulnerable, and Christ-like as I can be? I have to admit, at the same time, that I fail, often. That is the painful reality of it all.
I can do nothing else and remain true to what I believe Christ calls me to. I cannot help how others will respond or react. I’ve been turned down. I may not realize positions of authority or opportunities because I don’t “play the game” like the big-boys/girls want it played. It isn’t about being heroic or anti-anything, but about being as true to what I perceive as the call of God for my life as I can be, with God’s help. What else can I do?

iPod Shuffle – 11:45 am

What my iPod gave me this morning:
1.Dolly Parton, Little Sparrow, from ‘Little Sparrow’
2. Bush, Alien, from ‘Sixteen Stones’
3. Suzanna Vega, Priscilla, from ‘Songs in Red and Gray’
4. Sigar Ros, Glospoli, from ‘Takk…’
5. Slavyanka Men’s Chorus, Ny mye otpushch ayeshi (Lord, Now Lettest Thou Thy Servant Depart), from ‘Russian Church Music’
6. Aimee Mann, Little Bombs, from ‘The Forgotten Arm’
7. Origional Cast Recording, One Short Day, from ‘Wicked’
8. Slavyanka Men’s Chorus, Na ryeklakh vavilonskikh (By the River of Babylon), Russian Church Music
9. Peter Tchaikovsky by The USSR Ministry of Culture Choir, Amen, And With Thy Spirit, from ‘Sacred Treasures I’
10. Halloween, Alaska, Halloween, from ‘Halloween, Alaska’
This idea comes from Fr. Jim Tucker of Dappled Things:

I’m happy that this seems to be fairly popular. The rules, for bloggers who want to play:
Get your ipod or media-player of choice, select your whole music collection, set the thing to shuffle (i.e., randomized playback), then post the first ten songs that come out. No cheating, no matter how stupid it makes you feel! Maybe link the songs to online music stores for readers’ convenience.

Okay, why not?

I am encouraged and frustrated and disappointed and perplexed by what I see happening within the growing and emerging expression of the Christian faith in the U.S., particularly within the Emergent Church conversation and beyond and the lost opportunities by The Episcopal Church – the Anglican expression in the U.S.
The post-American-Evangelical and post-Liberal-Mainline experience is beyond the politicized Religious-Right, beyond Borg, Spong, and liberation-theology, beyond the “Seeker-Church” movement, beyond the Baby-Boomer necessity to cast down all that came before them, beyond the 1960’s generational demand of feminism, political-correctness, queerism, identity-politics, yadda, yadda, yadda. It is more than simply reaction to the generation before them. It is a restoration. Thank God, thank God, thank God Almighty!
Finally, the newer generational distinctives are coming back around to re-discovering the baby that was thrown out with the proverbial bathwater.
Yet, why are we who have had these things of liturgy, beauty in worship, sacramental theology, monasticism, the Daily Offices of the fixed-hour prayer missing it? So much energy of this new expression of the Faith takes up the task of re-inventing what has been (is?) the best of us – why must we re-invent the wheel to make the journey?
Why? Because we have forgotten our heritage! Why? Because too many of us have lost the relational aspect of God and the transformational aim of the Gospel! Why? Because we have been deluded by the psychotheraputic cult of self-esteem! There are so many other reasons.
We have in many places repudiated our ancient and marvelous traditions. I am so encouraged that younger people are re-discovering all of this, but the very Church that has exhibited and lived into all this stuff is in the process of repudiating it all in the name of innovation and God only knows why else. Is innovation or change wrong? Absolutely not, but if it is done to force an agenda upon people and the Church, then it is wrong, particularly if the change being perpetuated is not that which speaks to the needs of the future of the Church! Oh, and the prophetic work of the Holy Spirit is not those actions or intentions coming forth from us that conveniently support our agendas.
My rant is over. I hope to be more coherent and complete in the future.

iPod Shuffle – 10:30 am

What appeared on my iPod this morning?
1. Dolly Parton – I Will Always Love You
2. Sufjan Stevens – Detroit, Lift Up Your Weary Head… from ‘Greetings from Michigan…”
3. Evan Dando – Rain
4. Rochmaninov – Grant Us This O Lord from ‘Sacred Treasures III’
5. Kat Williams – Stand By Me from ‘Compilation’
6. U2 – Gloria from ‘October’
7. Skott Freedman – Its Been a While from ‘Swimming After Dark’
8. Rochmoninov – Peaceful Light (Kiev Chant) from ‘Sacred Treasures III’
9. The GTS Scola & David Hurd – A Heart that Centers, Lord on Your…
10. Slavyandka Mens Chorus – Otche nash (Our Father) from ‘Russian Church Music’
This idea comes from Fr. Jim Tucker of Dappled Things:

I’m happy that this seems to be fairly popular. The rules, for bloggers who want to play:
Get your ipod or media-player of choice, select your whole music collection, set the thing to shuffle (i.e., randomized playback), then post the first ten songs that come out. No cheating, no matter how stupid it makes you feel! Maybe link the songs to online music stores for readers’ convenience.

In beauty and reverence

The organist and choirmaster of St. Paul’s commented the other day about how so few churches these days give consideration to the aesthetic – beauty and solemnity in the worship service, the mass. The comment and conversation prior to the comment dealt with the rumor that the next U.S. Book of Common Prayer might leave out all Rite I liturgies, gone would be their theological significance and particularly the older and more Elizabethan-style language.
This, frankly, would be a tragic mistake sense younger generations, generally, are attracted to and prefer the older, Elizabethan-style language (thee’s and thou’s, etc). I’ve experience this dynamic over and over again. To them, this is the language of the Church – that which is tried and true, ancient, not swayed by whim and trend. In like manner, so many young people are attracted to traditional Church architecture rather than the striped-down “seeker church” model. The tragedy would be that those in control would push through their agenda of change despite what demographic information is telling us about those who are making up the future of the Church.
It is about the esthetic present in worship. It is about creating a place and a space in time where the beautiful is presented and experienced. It is one of the primary emphases of The Oxford Movement. The beautiful can be experienced in high or low ritual, and both can be a distraction.
God is worthy of our best efforts. All that we do we shall do as if unto the Lord. The worship of God should be an experience of the beautiful in music, in vestments, in architecture, in language, in art, in manual acts, in our attention and devotion. When during the Eucharist all time is merged into one – the Church Victorious, the Church Militant, the Church Eminent – we are caught up into the experience of Heaven and present with the Great Cloud of Witness. We are in the presence of God Almighty.
How else can we respond? What else is there to do but to give up to God our best?

Intolerance of Christianity?

From an article on Christianity Today’s website covering the recent survey of evangelical ministries about what is in store for the future of Christianity. I presume in the U.S.
Here is a quote:

Mark Dever, pastor at Capitol Hill Baptist Church in Washington, D.C., believes a pluralistic culture will turn increasingly intolerant of Christian faith.

I would counter that the pluralistic culture, in general, has become intolerant of intolerant Christians! While some people are intolerant of religion all together, they make up a very small percentage of the population.

iPod Shuffle – 8:30 am

So, Fr. Jim Tucker from Dapple Things is posting random iPod shuffle lists of the first 10 songs played. Here are the rules he suggests:

The rules, for bloggers who want to play:
Get your ipod or media-player of choice, select your whole music collection, set the thing to shuffle (i.e., randomized playback), then post the first ten songs that come out. No cheating, no matter how stupid it makes you feel! Maybe link the songs to online music stores for readers’ convenience.

And so, I begin with this list from my train ride to Mid-town Manhattan:

1. Cowboy Junkies: ‘Sun Comes Up, It’s Tuesday Morning’ from Best of Cowboy Junkies
2. Aimee Mann: ‘Video’ from The Forgotten Arm
3. Smashing Pumpkins: ‘The Everlasting Gaze’ from Rotten Apples: Greatest Hits
4. Slavyanka Men’s Chorus: ‘Dostonino yest’ (It Is Fitting)’ from Russian Church Music
5. Skott Freedman: ‘Lately’ from Swimming After Dark
6. Bobri Christov: ‘Hymn of the Cherubim’ (excerted/edictd) from Sacred Treasures I
7. Bob Griffith – my Senior Sermon at GTS – not a song and too long for now…
8. Sigur Ros: ‘Svo Hijott’ from Takk…
9. Moby: ‘Hotel Intro’ from Hotel, Disk 1
10. Sufjan Stevens: ‘We Won’t Need Legs to Stand’ from Seven Swans

Subway Observation #2

Young woman sitting on the train, traveling
Beautiful in black and turquoise,
hair pulled back
She’s sleepy, tired, eyes closing slowly
Her neck goes slack, tilting back, long neck
a vampire’s dream
Her mouth falls agape, eyes shut tight
If she saw a picture of this moment,
she would be embarrassed
The train jumps to a stop, a jolt
She awakens with a jump, startled
The train moves forward,
all things begin again
Nothing new under the sun.

Votive Mass of the Eucharist

Well, tomorrow I will be singing my first mass. St. Paul’s is initiating me into the ranks of those priests who carry on the tradition of singing the service. As some are well aware, singing is by far not my strong point. I am very thankful that so many have reinforced my music professor, David Hurd’s, teaching that this is not a performance. It isn’t. It is for the worship of God, and God loves even a joyful noise! The parishioners are very patient and good natured with me mistakes.
I am aware, however, that a really lousy job can and will effect the experience of worship for some. I’ve been practicing, a lot. Breath. Breath. Breath. That is Mark Peterson’s constant refrain as he patiently helps me along with my chanting/singing.
A Votive Mass of the Eucharist with Benediction
Thursday, Oct. 5th, 2006 – 7:30 pm
St. Paul’s Episcopal Church
199 Carroll St. (Corners of Clinton and Carroll)
Brooklyn, NY 11231

Humilty, knowing for sure, fundamentalism vs conservatism

I was reading a review of Andrew Sullivan’s new book, The Conservative Soul: How We Lost It, How to Get It Back by Mark Gauvreau Judge of Christianity Today.
He doesn’t think much of the book, primarily it seems because Sullivan writes that we are bound by our culture, time, and place and because of this and other reasons we cannot know for sure. Sullivan separates “conservatism” from “fundamentalism.” Fundamentalists, it seems, say that “we know!” From the review, it seems Sullivan claims that true conservatives are willing to say “we are not sure” or “we do not know.” I haven’t read the book, so I am relying on Judge’s review of the book.
Here’s the thing: there are large swaths of the Church that feel that they must say “we know!” They do not separate empirically confirmed knowledge from belief or faith. Our Christian life is based on what? Fact or Faith? It is based on faith because it is not empirically provable. It is metaphysics, not physics. Scripture says in I Corinthians 13:12

“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”

There are those who convince themselves that what they believe is absolute and without question – making what is held by faith into something of fact. They must deny the truth in order to believe the Truth. I can say with all expectation that I am saved through Jesus Christ, but what proves it? Nothing empirically – it is only by faith that it is realized within me. Ephesians 2:8-9 says:

”For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”

Well then, of course, anyone who does not agree with the “facts” is apostate and cannot know God. Yet, Scripture tells us that we will not fully (exactly) know what is the Truth of God until we see Him face-to-face.
This isn’t relativism as it has been known. It is humility. It is humility in the sense that we do not think that in this time and in this place and in this culture that we have all knowledge, all that is necessary to know, or that we are now for the first time capable to knowing all things. It simply is not the case, and to claim otherwise is contrary to reason, tradition, and Scripture. Paul wrote, “I know that I know that I know….” We can claim the same and it is true to us, but the assertion is based on faith.
So, if Sullivan will not confirm to this swath of the Church that there are certain things we must know absolutely and without question and can know as “fact,” then he is (we are) what?, a relativist, an agnostic, a person believing contrary to the Truth of God. If Judge is accurate concerning what Sullivan honestly believes, and if Judge demands that Sullivan is in grave error if he says, “I’m not sure,” then perhaps Judge is a fundamentalist after all, and not a true conservative.
It is hard to truly move within an intrinsic sense of humility – I do not know everything and I could be wrong. It is God-given as we yield ourselves to formation in God’s ways. Oh, that we are able to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with our God.