Waking up early – what’s that? Yesterday, 2:30 am. This morning, 3:00 am. Today, we load up the truck and I take sleeping pills to get good nights sleep at a hotel! Tomorrow, we pull out of the parking lot of St. Paulç—´, Lisa and I, her in her 24′ truck (which was supposed to be a 14′ truck) and me in my 15′ truck at 5:00 am. At least I don’t have to worry about over sleeping! I hope.
These past few weeks have been some of the most stressful in my life. I know a lot of the anxiety and stress have been of my own making, but I had no idea how to calm myself down. Depression, realization of who I’m leaving behind, all the problems with U-Haul, on Wednesday getting a call from Ryder that I wouldn’t have a truck and having to clear that up, not knowing for sure whether Pat was able to come to help unload, lack of sleep, all add up for a very rough week!
This morning, the end is in sight and I talked to Jason, one of my new roommates at General. Everything seems to be lined up on that end, unless of course something has been fouled up on their end. I sent my deposit checks, etc. Everything should be good to go.
I wrote John a letter via e-mail. A the-door-will-always-be-open letter. I feel better – I’ve said what I felt I wanted to say. My suspicion is that it doesn’t really mean all that much to him – once over a relationship, it’s over. Yet, for myself, I know I wanted to say the things I did in the letter and there is only one life, only certain opportunities, and I want to live that life to the full without fear, insecurity, worry about what he or anyone could think of me. I want to live an honest and open life and not saying things can be as dishonest as anything else. I’m sure nothing will come of it, but it is written and he knows what he has meant to me, despite and over-arching the problems we had and the issues he (we) dealt (deals?) with.
I am so tired right now, but sleep eludes me. A very long day today, a very long drive tomorrow. Once all the unloading is done, it will be over, finally. It is 5:10 am, EST.
I turn over my car to the new owners at 9:30 am this morning.
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