This is not a calming development. It makes me start to worry, and I really just don't need that right now. I know I have to depend on God working this out, the way He has done in many situations during my life. I don't mean that I do nothing and I don't mean situations where coincidence just seems to play itself out. For those who doubt God works all things to the good of those who believe or that God exists, for me I have experienced too many seemingly irrational or illogical things to my favor to deny that God does not work on our behalf.

Today, I read the 4th chapter of James. A timely reading. Verse 2 finishes: "You do not have, because you do not ask. (3) You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, in order to spend what you get on your pleasures...." What is our motive? Why do we ask? If I check my intentions and wants, if I ask rightly then He is faithful to do for our benefit. If God is the one calling me, pushing me, guiding me to seminary and this path, then He will work out the details -- as long as I am faithful to do my part. He has done that over and over in my life -- where seemingly the impossible (or highly unlikely) has occurred.

My apartment in Bowling Green. I asked for a certain kind of apartment. By accident, I found this particular apartment. Way over my budget, but it was perfect. I signed a lease on a small efficiency. Then, I woke up one morning with this incredible sense of, what -- I don't quite know how to explain it -- presence?.... Anyway, a voice in my head said, "I gave you want you asked for and you threw it away." I felt like I really screwed up and didn't trust that God would accommodate me. After all, who in the world am I that God would do something like that? But, I felt this overwhelming sense that I should and could trust this feeling, this sense, this God. I went back to the owner of the efficiency and she let me out of the lease and gave back my deposit, which never happens in B.G. I rented the apartment, with no apparent way to pay the rent and utilities. On paper it didn't work out, yet it worked out.

During my work as director of Dunamis Outreach (Chi Alpha) at Bowling Green State University, I was receiving a bit of support that was channeled through Dayspring Assembly of God, our sponsoring church. I thought they were taking out taxes on the support, which come tax time I realized they were not. I owed over $1,000 in taxes for the preceding year. Now, at that time I was literally living hand-to-mouth. I only put a couple dollars of gas in my car at a time because I could afford any more then that (my parents let me keep the car I was using after graduation). I certainly learned a lesson in a couple different ways. I need to watch out for my interest always and never assume anything. I also learned that God will take care of the problem and need. I didn't tell anyone, except the pastor of the church, with whom I was furious. Suddenly, I started getting money from people, knowing that I lived on support and a part time job. Checks showed up with notes saying things like, "I was just thinking about you and wanted to send this to you," or "I felt God prompting me to send this to you." I ended up receiving exactly the amount I needed to pay my taxes.

Then there was the money I needed for my internship year with Chi Alpha at Kent State. My teaching position at St. Joseph's High School in Cleveland. The money I needed for spending the year in Germany with Students For Christ (Chi Alpha in Europe and Northern Africa). Money for graduate school.

After graduating with my Masters, I wasn't having much luck finding a job. It was getting down to the wire and I set a date of August 31st as a cut off. After that date, I was moving to Chicago and looking for a job there, while living with my brother and sister-in-law. I had everything ready to move, with the exception of storing my stuff. I was hired on August 31st with the department I am currently working for. I landed a job that turned into an incredible opportunity to learn everything I know about computers, networking, the Internet, and technology. What a godsend! Another childhood dream come to pass.

And the list goes on. I have never been left hanging or out to dry. God has always provided, even when it didn't seem possible. From past experience, I know He will again this time, but I still get nervous. I just don't want to have to wait until the last minute again, as has usually been the case. God's will be done, not mine. His will, if it makes any difference to Him, might be for me to keep the house for some unknown reason. I just don't know. I would have rather my neighbor's son bought the house in three weeks and been done with it. Oh well...