What is, is
Most of the opposition to same-sex relationships these days centers around "behavior." Most of those who oppose same-sex relationships will admit that there is a difference between "being something" and "acting in some way." There still are, of course, those who insist that homosexuality does not really exist and those who self-identify as "homosexual" or more pointedly "gay" are really heterosexuals with a problem (thus the creation of "Same-Sex Attraction Disorder, or "SSAD," by Joseph Nicolosi's NARTH) or who know they are heterosexual and have gay-sex anyway.
The problem with simply focusing on behavior is that a false "being" is created. If you do not engage in certain behaviors, you are not in your "being" this thing. If a person is homosexual and never acts sexually, that person is still a homosexual. Most ex-gay ministries and the anti-gay “therapeutic” community often deny the reality of this “being”.
They will say that our "being" is determined by how we identify the self. If we do not identify as "homosexual," or more particularly "gay," then we are not, despite what sexual temptations we may face or how our emotional attractions seem to be ordered. Currently, the whole "ex-gay" tag is generally defined by a person simply not claiming to be "gay” any longer, again, regardless of how they feel or to whom they are affectually or sexually attracted.
If they want to base the anti-gay arguments on behavior, then I can easily say that same-sex relationships that do not engage in certain behaviors are absolutely permitted. If I don't do this, or this, or that, then there is no problem. Of course, what "this" or "that" behavior actually is or what the behavior(s) comprise is another issue. What anti-gay groups want to happen is an end to self-identification as homosexual or gay, and in so doing they will change their "being." The not doing of certain behaviors will not be enough; anything short of an end to self-identification (or honesty about how one actually feels and knows himself/herself to "be") as gay will not be tolerated.
If the behaviors were removed from the equation, they would then say that you simply have a very good friendship - buddies, palls, and the like. This ignores the whole affectual domain. That deep attraction, love, devotion, etc. for the beloved that exists between to heterosexuals, that is sometimes expressed through sexual behavior, is also present for homosexuals. This aspect of "being" is all too often ignored among the arguments against same-sex relationships.
Heterosexuals don't stop being heterosexuals in their "being" if they do not engage in sex, and a married couple does not stop being a loving heterosexual couple if for whatever reason they are unable or unwilling to engage in certain behaviors.
If is very difficult, at least with regard to the current language and tactics used by the anti-gay/ex-gay camp, to deny same-sex relationships if those relationships simply happened to not include certain behaviors.
As a Christian I cannot deny reality! I cannot create or demand in my own "image" what is or isn't, what sense of "being" is or is not. Honesty is a huge issue, and reveals itself in the overwhelming failure over time of the ex-gay persona and message. The "being" they demand and want cannot be sustained by the vast majority of people - even those who are highly motivated.
I have much more respect of the U.S. Roman Catholic organization “Courage” than most Evangelical ex-gay ministries - Exodus. Courage has traditionally focused on helping gay Catholics maintain celibacy, despite what they feel. It is not a denial of their very “being,” but rather an emphasis on how they believe they need to behave regardless of who or what they are. This is a different emphasis and understanding of the “being” of homosexual people that one finds in most Christian anti-gay/anti-same-sex relationship groups.
comments? e-mail me
The problem with simply focusing on behavior is that a false "being" is created. If you do not engage in certain behaviors, you are not in your "being" this thing. If a person is homosexual and never acts sexually, that person is still a homosexual. Most ex-gay ministries and the anti-gay “therapeutic” community often deny the reality of this “being”.
They will say that our "being" is determined by how we identify the self. If we do not identify as "homosexual," or more particularly "gay," then we are not, despite what sexual temptations we may face or how our emotional attractions seem to be ordered. Currently, the whole "ex-gay" tag is generally defined by a person simply not claiming to be "gay” any longer, again, regardless of how they feel or to whom they are affectually or sexually attracted.
If they want to base the anti-gay arguments on behavior, then I can easily say that same-sex relationships that do not engage in certain behaviors are absolutely permitted. If I don't do this, or this, or that, then there is no problem. Of course, what "this" or "that" behavior actually is or what the behavior(s) comprise is another issue. What anti-gay groups want to happen is an end to self-identification as homosexual or gay, and in so doing they will change their "being." The not doing of certain behaviors will not be enough; anything short of an end to self-identification (or honesty about how one actually feels and knows himself/herself to "be") as gay will not be tolerated.
If the behaviors were removed from the equation, they would then say that you simply have a very good friendship - buddies, palls, and the like. This ignores the whole affectual domain. That deep attraction, love, devotion, etc. for the beloved that exists between to heterosexuals, that is sometimes expressed through sexual behavior, is also present for homosexuals. This aspect of "being" is all too often ignored among the arguments against same-sex relationships.
Heterosexuals don't stop being heterosexuals in their "being" if they do not engage in sex, and a married couple does not stop being a loving heterosexual couple if for whatever reason they are unable or unwilling to engage in certain behaviors.
If is very difficult, at least with regard to the current language and tactics used by the anti-gay/ex-gay camp, to deny same-sex relationships if those relationships simply happened to not include certain behaviors.
As a Christian I cannot deny reality! I cannot create or demand in my own "image" what is or isn't, what sense of "being" is or is not. Honesty is a huge issue, and reveals itself in the overwhelming failure over time of the ex-gay persona and message. The "being" they demand and want cannot be sustained by the vast majority of people - even those who are highly motivated.
I have much more respect of the U.S. Roman Catholic organization “Courage” than most Evangelical ex-gay ministries - Exodus. Courage has traditionally focused on helping gay Catholics maintain celibacy, despite what they feel. It is not a denial of their very “being,” but rather an emphasis on how they believe they need to behave regardless of who or what they are. This is a different emphasis and understanding of the “being” of homosexual people that one finds in most Christian anti-gay/anti-same-sex relationship groups.
comments? e-mail me
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