Wednesday, 21 May 2003

This decision concerning whether to do CPE this summer or not is taking way too much effort. I'm not sure why this is so difficult, but it is turning out to be so.


Pro Con
- get it over with
- experience it with my classmates
- stay in sequence for candidacy
- don't have to pay rent ($975.00)
- will receive $600.00 scholarship
- 6 credits
- not sure of health
- be spent by the end of summer
- not be ready for fall classes
- not being in sync with classmates
- could be a lonely summer
- have to pay rent ($975.00)

Don't do CPE:

Pro Con
- less stress - focus on health
- work with IT department
- make some money
- take a class - make up for ST01
- possible field work - 6 credits
- I can work with Fr. Wright & technology
- permission to have a last relaxed summer
- not understanding where my classmates are
- possible problems with process - candidacy?
- miss out on 6 credits for summer internship

I may be better off financially. If I can't have a summer field experience this summer, I will be out 6 credit hours, which means having to take additional classes my senior year. I guess when it comes right down to it, I am wondering (fearing?) whether I will be out of God's will. This is a recurring thing, although I thought I had already come through that learning experience. I haven't, at least not fully. It is a matter of prayer and listening to the still small voice inside. I don't know the future or what it will hold - the experience I will have with either decision will work to shape me. I think with God's guidance, I will go through the experience that will be best for me. It is evident, though, that as we mature in God's ways that the decisions are more and more left up to us and the wisdom we have learned and have been given.

Roy is planning on moving out, if everything works out in securing a new room that is. Will this be a very lonely summer? I worry about that, but of course that is really up to me, too. Deborah suggested working with her at Holy Apostles soup kitchen. That could be a very good experience. I can visit friends in Boston.

There are so many things that could happen this summer without CPE - the possibilities are wide open. But, it comes down to whether I worry about not making a right decision - a decision that is not God's will. My fear of being out of God's will is once again raising its head.

So, I would enjoy a summer off (relatively speaking). I would love to work with Father Wright and technology. I would love to do work with the IT department. I would like to work with Toni and orientation for next years juniors. If possible, a summer field experience would be good, too. I could do a lot of exploring and photo-taking. I could do a whole lot, and there will be others in my class putting off CPE.

I'm also thinking about not wanting to be lazy. I feel fine now, so why should I use health as a determinate in whether I do CPE or not. It is like faking an illness to go home from school. I did it and it was fun, but now thinking of doing something similar seems childish and dishonest. I am not, however, suggesting to anyone that I should take the summer off - they all have suggested it to me! This isn't my initiative, but the ideas and suggestions of others who have authority or influence over me.

I would be able to spend as much time with Ashton either way, I think. That isn't an issue in the decision.

Why not take the summer off? I'll wait until I hear from Barrie at Ascension.

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