Sunday, 13 October 2002

Where is the time going? There is so much to do and so little time to accomplish anything. I didn't get nearly the amount of material covered that I should have yesterday. I've got to complete Understanding Genesis by tomorrow, and then onto all the other books I have to get through, especially for Intro. to Spiritual Direction - I have to cite various books in my paper due next week.

It's Fall Break! A fall break? I'm not complaining mind you, because I need the time to try to catch up, which is probably why they have it. As every one of my professors have said, "It's impossible to actually do all the reading." I'm at least glad they recognize that, except for the notion that we need to cite from the books for our papers and exams. Today, I'm leaving for Ashton's place in West Orange N.J. It's only a 30 minute train ride away, much closer then the jaunts I constantly made to Cleveland. I'm so excited! We aren't going to be able to spend all of Monday together because he has to come back into the city to do something official sounding with his mother, but then we are going back. I look forward to the time together and the simple fact that I'm going to be away from the Close for at least a little while.

I'm really feel a bit intimidated with classes and general theological and core-issue discussions. I'm so weak when it comes to logic and philosophy and know that I can be argued into the ground, which I'm not really used to. Roy has been good - he challenges me a lot and I've come up wanting many a time. I don't mind that from Roy, but when I get into these type of discussions with some others who have a definite logic and/or philosophical background, I feel out of my element. It is good for my own intellectual progress, but I feel so weak in defending my positions at times. So, I will just revert to asking a lot of questions of people. That way I can find out where they are coming from, how they think, where are the weaknesses of their arguments, etc. It doesn't make me look quite as stupid or uneducated. Not that I don't think I'm up to the task, I just don't have that type of training. It is important training.

I'm really looking forward to seeing Ashton. I am wanting to tell my parents this time, but I just don't know whether that is a wise thing or not. Lauri has said that Mom has asked them in the past - whether I was seeing John or Brain. Lauri and Todd have always skirted the subject with them. I just don't know how they will respond. And, of course, because of Ashton's last relationship, he ain't tellin' his mother anything about me - doesn't want her to think he is making the same mistakes he has made in the past. I'm not really sure what all that stuff is, but I have to respect his decision for now... but not for too long. If he is still bound by his last boyfriend, although through an opposite intent, then he is still bound by him. At some point, he has to get over it and move on - he is in the anti-Stephen mode still, or the self-protection mode yet. The time will come.

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