Monday, 22 October 2001
I've been feeling a bit dislocated lately. I don't really know what I mean by that statement, but dislocated is the best word I can come up with at the moment. There is a lot to accomplish this week. I have to put together a training session on M$ FrontPage for the clergy at St. Paul's. There is a Bridge Club meeting this Friday at which I want to present ideas of topics and areas to explore during the coming months. I am not prepared for either event. I find myself utterly tired of driving to Cleveland. After 7 years of going back and forth, I would just as soon stay home. That isn't good for my social life, since most of my closer friends are in Cleveland, with some significant exceptions. I need to regain control of my time! A big part of that is simply not watching TV. It is getting dark early at this point, and when the sun goes down my motivation and energy levels go into a free-fall. It is easy to simply watch TV rather then doing anything productive. I am bummed that Ned doesn't seem interested in developing a closer friendship. I don't know where to apply my attention for the next several months while I wait to leave for seminary. Last night at Jim's lay advisory committee for his dissertation, Jan mentioned that while attending the Commission on Ministry meeting, she heard of some ministry she thinks I might be interested in. I'm curious to know what that might be. I think I've decided not to return to the College Work Committee. I'm feeling all kinds of things and just don't know what to do with them all. I don't know where to put them all at the moment. If I'm honest with myself, the biggest thing I'm feeling right now is the lack of relationship. Most of my adult life I have been by my self. I don't mind so much, but over the last few months I have been feeling the lack of a significant relationship. That isn't to demean my close friendships, but it just isn't the same. A person made up of a combination of Amy, Pat, John, and with a little bit of Ned thrown in (although I really don't know Ned well enough to say that confidently) -- that would be nice!

Okay, enough rambling. God, help us to be men and women of integrity and honesty and forthrightness. The weather seems pretty bad out today. I hear the rain hitting the windows and the find whipping leaves around outside. It is really picking up right now. Anyway, that we will live authentic lives free of fear and insecurity. That our soul and emotions will be at peace so that we can live in fullness and in joy.

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