Thursday, 5 July 2001
This week is feeling very odd. A group of guys got together at Randy & Rob's house (wonderful house, by the way) for a 4th cookout. The whole day felt like Sunday, Then, afterwards, Scott and I went downtown to see the fireworks! Fireworks -- goooood! I love fireworks, and Akron has some great ones! The clouds cleared, and it was cool. Perfect weather. A neat thing occurred when a cloud bank north of downtown passed through with what looked like heat lightening flashing in sided the clouds. Man made and natural fireworks all on the same day. Hah, what more could I ask for?

I tell ya, this bone-thing news has gotten me concerned. I am feeling really odd and I'm not sure what to make of the whole thing. I look at things and wonder whether, in a worst case scenario, this could be my last -- anything -- on a yearly time line. Like, the last 4th of July Fireworks I'm going to see. Premature, I know, yet how could it not a least occure to me? I'm not jumping to any terrible conclusions and what happens, happens, yet it would be stupid to not consider the worst. If I can't leave for New York and seminary, I've got to quickly find another place to live. It really does bum me out to think that I may not be leaving Ohio and have sold my house. Where am I going to find another place any where close to this? It does free me up to do or go anywhere between here and Cleveland. The only geographic considerations are work and the hospital I will need to go to if it is cancer. Another month and a half -- that's all I have until I have to move.

The sad thing I thought of yesterday is having to go through the horrible ordeal without someone to go through it with. Not that I want to burden another person, but to have that person to rely upon would be a great comfort. Many other people don't have that, I know. I don't want my parents to have to take care of the gruesome stuff. They shouldn't have to. Maybe I will never know what it is like to have a companion in life. That really bums me out. But, I know that God has sustained me through the tough times I have gone through in the past, although not this potentially horrendous, and I know that what we go through from one point in our lives to another help us with the next point. I know God will see me through even if this turns out to be the worst case scenario.

I just feel very odd. And, my leg hurts.

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