Tuesday, 3 July 2001
I got a call from my doctor's office today at work. I've had an ache in my hip for a few weeks now. I've been thinking it was a muscle thing, after all running doesn't seem to cause any more or less pain. It's not a major muscle. All the stretching I've been doing hasn't helped. As a matter of fact, it seems to be making it worse.

When I went for my final physical under my present health insurance, I told him about what I thought was a very achy muscle in my right leg/hip. More recently, when I've been stressed I tensed a muscle or two in my shoulder or leg until it hurt, sometimes becoming really sore. Stupid, I know, but I had to consciously think of not tensing. I thought that was it, so I just asked him if I should being doing anything specific to loosen up my painful muscle. He suggested I get an x-ray just to make sure it wasn't arthritis or some such thing.

Today, his office called me and said they found some scaring on the x-ray and a "density" in the bone. Now, I have to get a bone scan just to see what is going on with the bone in my leg. It could be nothing. It could be arthritis or some such thing. Or, it could be cancer. Wouldn't that be funny -- three years trying to decide whether to go to seminary and a month and a half before I go I found out I could have a tumor. Not that I'm obsessing on the worse, mind you, but while I'm not depressed I am feeling sober. The funny thing is -- I've had the nagging thought in the back of my mind that something was going to happen before I left that would change everything.

So, here I am wondering what's going to come of this. I talked to my Dean this afternoon. If the worst is reality, I can't afford to leave Kent. Insurance. I like were I work and the people I work with, so even if I had to stay that wouldn't be a bad thing. I have said all along that I don't know the outcome of this whole process, so whether seminary or staying at Kent is alright with me. The only think that would bum me out about not going to seminary is the fact I will no longer be living in what was my house. Well, I would be bummed about not being able to study theology and not living in NYC. Even then, however, I would probably move closer to Cleveland. I think. I've got to call Bishop Williams and let him know something may be up. Time is so short at this point.

Three weeks until my bone scan. Another week until I go over the results with my doctor. Two more weeks and I'm supposed to move to NYC.

There is nothing I can do right now to change anything. What is, is. Sobering.

I just finished watching the season opener of the 10th anniversary Real World. They are in NYC again this term -- a loft in the Village (32 Hudson St.). Part of me is, "I'm there! That's were I'm going to be in a few weeks." I'm actually feeling excited! Yet, another part of me is thinking I'm never going to make it there. I vicariously experienced the Semester at Sea with Road Rules a couple seasons ago. I came very close to working on the ship one semester before beginning my job with Undergraduate Studies at Kent. The next semester they called and wanted me to be on the ship for the new semester, but I couldn't -- new job and all. Anyway, this time I will live in NYC vicariously through the Real World. Maybe even be in NYC for a few new episodes. Kinda neat to see the things I'm going to see and experience.

Let me just say, I have no idea where Mike from Parma, OH, has been all his life. Parma is, well, Parma, but Parma isn't even that bad! This kid has lived in a totally different part of the planet then I've experience in Cleveland. Of course, he is on the West Side and in Parma, so anything is possible. What a shame Cleveland is going to be presented through such a, a, a, what??? There is just no way!

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