|Friday, 27 April 2001|
|I'm just not sure what to do at this point. I e-mailed my brother yesterday and asked how he was doing, along with a second question of how he and my sister-in-law were doing.
I think they have gotten back together and thought that things could be resolved without dramatic changes in their lifestyle, their perceptions of truth within their relationship, drastic chances in the way they communicate, coming to some middle ground on how to discipline my nephew. The list could go on. It seems, and I stress seems, like can solve their problems in the same manner of methods they using that only led up to my brother's leaving. Dramatic changes are needed, but are the willing to admit that and are the willing to do what is necessary to put their marriage back together. I fear they are unwilling to do what needs to be done -- not incapable, because I know they can, but unwilling.
If that is the case, a simple unwillingness, then my worry and feelings are for my nephew, not the two of them. It isn't that I don't care, but he is the innocent party. It isn't that I'm trying to be crass or dismiss their feelings and anxieties, but if they are willing to do what needs to be done, by the testimony of multitudes of others who have done it successfully before them, I know they can. If they chose not to, they are intentionally and knowingly harming my nephew, whether they are capable or willing of admitting it or not. That sounds-harsh, but nonetheless true. We all lie to each other and ourselves so often when dealing with our own feelings, insecurities, and anxieties that we convince ourselves of untruths just so we don't have to face the sometimes harsh realities of our actions. We need to stop that, else we will never be free and will never resolve the continuing conflicts that rage within us. The result of which, for example, is the demise of a marriage and the harm it does to a little boy.
I don't blame or find fault in the feelings the two of them have at this point in time. I'm not really disappointed in either of them. We all find ourselves in places unexpected. I will be terribly disappointed if they don't do what is necessary to fix their problems. Divorce is an easy way out, traumatic, but easy. I hope they have more integrity then that.
On a totally unrelated note: a for-sale sign showed up on my front lawn yesterday. I'm so depressed -- not really, it just feels very strange and makes me anxious.
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