Thursday, 15 February 2001
I've decided to sell my house. Yup, after all this time I'm actually going to do it. I've only lived here for around 31/2 years, but the prospect of selling when I go to NYC hasn't set well. Yet, I just don't want the worry of an 82 year old home when I'm 1,000 miles away. I talked to my accountant yesterday and his recommendation is to sell now, rather then during seminary or afterwards, when I would have to pay capital gains tax on the whole house, not just the rental unit. I feel good about actually making a decision, but I do like this house and I do like where I live!

Speaking of accountants, I had my taxes done yesterday. I'm actually getting a very good refund this year. I know in lots of ways having too much money in taxes taken out of my pay hinders me in terms of potential interested earned on the money I don't have available, but I probably would have simply spent the money on much of nothing anyway. This way, I have a lump sum I can use for the big projects I could otherwise afford to do. If the amount of money were truly substantial and a savings account earned more then 2% interest, well maybe, but I don't mind the refund. What to do with the money? Buy a new and improved computer? A Mac G4? A Titanium laptop? re-upholster my couch? Pay off a good portion of what I owe my dad? A new digital camera? Software -- that would be a good one! I need to buy the software I use before I leave for NYC.

I've been having all kinds of dreams that I remember lately -- when I actually gets some sleep, that is. Not in a great amount of detail, yet significant since I rarely remember my dreams. Last night I dreamed (or is it dreamt? British spelling? Antiquated spelling?) about Nick. It seemed we still lived around each other -- this must have taken place way back when. We were B-B-Qing something or another. I was going to ask him what he was going to do the coming weekend and the thought struck me that I had not noticed Barbara being around nor him doing anything with here for many weekends. It was kind of odd since I think we were good enough friends that I should have known that a while back, but didn't for some reason. Anyway, I made the comment that I suddenly realized that I hadn't remembered them together for a while now, and he looked somewhat distraught. He didn't say much and then I woke up. I hope he, they, are okay. The whole ex-gay, getting married, struggling through all that when she found out, etc., etc., may have finally taken it's toll. I always wonder whether dreams like that are meaningful or just random firing of synapses.

I got very bad news yesterday. My brother and sister-in-law are going through tough times right now. My mom told me that he left yesterday and is staying with friends. He has to figure things out. I simply can't imagine the two of them separating or divorcing. What to do?

Scott stopped by yesterday wanting to know whether I wanted to go grab something to eat and see Hannibal with him. I said no because I skipped working out so get all this stuff done here at home -- primarily getting letters written to the people I correspond with in prison through SoulForce. I said no, even though I was mightily tempted. Well, I should have because I ended up doing nothing other then getting chicken cut up and in the freezer before it spoiled. I am simply so tired when it gets to be 8:00 pm or so. Yesterday, I was warn out by the time I left work, which was later then normal, so I didn't go and work out. That was laziness justified by saying I had all this stuff at home I could get done. Right now, I know I need to work out not so much for the aesthetic benefits, but because it helps me deal with the stress and helps me sleep. Just do it! A crass marketing slogan, yet true. I'm dead tired already this morning and don't know how I am going to feel at the end of the work day, but I have to work out, else I will continue in this rut. Something has to break the cycle.

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