|Tuesday, 12 December 2000|
|I came home last night after a meeting in Cleveland with the College Work Committee and thought I might take a short nap before getting on with the rest of the night. Only an hour or so, I thought. My alarm went off, and, well, I didn't get up. Another whole evening -- asleep. It felt wonderful!, but I woke up at around 2:00 and couldn't go back to sleep. So, this morning at 2:30 am I was up folding laundry and going outside to retrieve my garbage can that had blown a few houses down the street. There were very high winds all this morning -- leftovers from the Chicago snowstorm, I presume. No snow, just very strong wind. Finally, at around 3:30 am I went back to bed hoping to get a couple more hours of sleep before having to get up. Well, I got a little more, I think. Strange dreams last night, too. I rarely remember my dreams and when I do they are often very disjointed and indecipherable, as were last night's. The only recognizable person in one of them was Ron -- there you go Ron, now I'm having you in my dreams.
After the committee meeting yesterday, I saw Bishop Williams for a brief moment. He asked me about seminary and where things were at in the process. I'm beginning to be more deliberate and am truly and continually thinking about seminary. I have been so hesitant these last several months for a variety of reasons. I need to put my thoughts down, but not now. So many things, but it all comes down to whether I am willing to trust God -- the problem is am I willing to trust other people? Trusting God is easy, trusting other people with my life isn't. Frankly, there haven't been very many people who honestly understand me and what I try to do or what I want to happen. I'm very gun-shy because of what has happened in the past. But, then, do I believe that God will work things out to accomplish what He wants to happen in my life -- if I am truly called by Him to be a priest? That I worry about. That is the problem.
This morning, for whatever reason or for whatever change occured, I woke up excited with the prospect of going to seminary. I need to write a lot more about this, and will.......