Wednesday, 22 November 2000
Tonight, I should be leaving for home for Thanksgiving. I'm really kind of bummed this year. My sister, brother-in-law, brother, and sister-in-law won't be there this year, which means it will be just my parents and I. Not that I mind being alone with my parents, but Thanksgiving just isn't Thanksgiving without everyone there. In times past, we may have had everyone together on the following Saturday, which still isn't the same, but this year there will not even be that. My sister,, could be at my parents, if they wanted to. So, why aren't they?

The good aspect of all this is that my mom is making all kinds of good stuff I like -- Red Velvet cake, cranberry relish, Chicken-n-Dupplins, etc. So, I will have more good stuff to eat, but less good family time. I would rather have the latter, frankly. Well, I would rather have both, but I should be too greedy. ;-)

I have been consistently tired as of late. Don't quite know why, but I have been nonetheless. Last night, I came home from work rather then going to Cleveland for FrontRunners. The weather was cold, snowy, and generally miserable, and I have something funky and painful going on with my foot. I intended on doing all kinds of things that the extra time afforded. So, what did I do? I thought I would take a short nap which turned into an all night sleep-a-thon. I got up this morning at around 4:00 am. Well, I do feel rested, but accomplished nothing other then catching up on sleep.

I also got an e-mail from J. yesterday. (Background - I dated this guy for 2 years. The relationship ended around 1 1/2 years ago -- his doing, not mine. I've had a rough time getting over the relationship. I have tired to do the friend thing at his request, but it takes two and he hasn't been willing. That's fine -- it helps me ultimately. I will refer to him as "J." so as to not divulge his identity to anyone other then those who already know. I have learned so much about myself, relationships, and what to do and not to do through this relationship and it's breakup. As I've been told, and know to be true, I needed to learn the lessons this failed relationship provided. If not through him, then it would have had to be through someone else. I just wish I could have learned the lessons within the relationship, not as a result of it's demise. The e-mail was a happy Thanksgiving wish, which was nice and a surprise. I honestly want the best for him and pray regularly for that to happen. The only hard feelings I have, other then missing him, is that he never really told me why the relationship ended. I suspect why, but don't really know. He tried a few lame explanations, but they weren't the truth. He finally just said, "I can't tell you." I don't know whether he meant "can't" or "won't." No closure for me -- bad, really bad! So, there you go. Anyway, it was nice receiving an e-mail from him and him being pro-active. Actually, some of the thinking that contributed to the ideas for this website come from observing his life and learning about living in an integrated manner (he needs to integrate his life, but so do I). It would be so nice just to find a partner to live life with.

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