WARNING: I am a terrible proof reader, so there may be all kinds of grammatical mistakes below. Be forewarned! :-)

While laying in bed at 4:30 am this morning, which I hate, I was thinking of an entry in random thoughts concerning why at times it is so easy to do the things I don't want to do and at times so hard to consistently do the things I want to do. For me, I think it comes down to simple discipline.

There are plenty of times when at any given moment I am faced with the decision to give into the temptation to do or not to do a particular thing or harbor a particular attitude, be lazy, or critical, you get the idea, and at that point discipline is of utmost importance. It isn't just temptation to not do something I know I shouldn't, but also to not do the things I know I should. At those particular moments, am I going to do or say the right thing and be the person I want to be, or am I going to give in to my lesser self? Am I going to have the presence of mind to recognize the moment of decision?

If I want to be the better side of myself, I need to recognize those moments of decision and have the self-will to act on what my conscience is prodding me to do or not to do. The difficulty comes when at those moments we (I) give in to the lesser action or thought. Once done, the next time we are (I am) faced with that same decission, it becomes much easier to give in again until we (I) no longer even recognize the moment of decission. Bad habits. Siered conscience.

In like manner, when we do make the right decission, according to an informed conscience and in light of human law and God's ways, we begin to devleop a discipline to do the right thing again and again. It becomes habitual after a while and soon we don't have to cognitively make the decission or wrestle with the decission, we simply do what we want to and don't do the thing we don't want to do.

This may be a lame example, but on Monday I was frustrated with myself because it seemed I never get anything done. All this stuff from laundry, to house stuff, to working on my webpage, to reading, to simply taking a nice jog down the Tow Path in the valley, to calling my parents, to even brushing my teeth before bed (that doesn't happen often, think goodness!) isn't happening and I'm tired of it. So, what is the problem? Well, it can be a lot of things at any given moment, but I do know that at the moment of decission I make excusses. I'm too tired when I get home from work and working-out at 8:00 pm, considering I try to be in bed between 10:00 and 10:30. I just plop on the couch and watch TV. I give in to feeling a little to randy. I can name all kinds of things, but the point is after most of those events I realize I didn't do what I really wanted to do. So, I need to discipline myself to focus on those things I know will make me a better person, a more content person, a happier person and simply DO THEM! Want some more examples? Okay - eat better, lift the extra 10 minutes to hit additional muscle groups, get up in the morning when I should, write people thank-you notes, send birthday cards on time, harness my wondering eye, paint my walls, send my grandmother flowers, be on top of the College Work Committee (I'm supposed to be the Chair!), just make the dang decission, stop spending money and pay down my debt, yadda, yadda, yadda.

This past week I determined to be conscious of time and money spent. I've been doing better, but it is just the matter of making it a habit. I know I can't make this out to be more then it is. Moderation in all things it a good motto, and there are certainly times when I have to simply be a bit irresponsible and blow some things off. Moderation and being realistic are important attributes. Okay, now I have to quite and have my quiet-time. That is even a decission right now because I would rather work on web stuff, but later today and in the long run I will feel much better about myself if I actually have a quiet-time, and I know it will make be a better person.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers (add sisters, too), whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4) I want to be mature, complete, and certainly lacking nothing. I want have the peace that surpasses understanding. I want life to the full!

Post-comment - it is now 10 minutes into my quiet-time. ugh.

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